Mad Love

The Flugelheim Museum. Harley got all dressed up for the occassion and everything, making sure she had her paint just right and then she started yelling orders at all of Joker's guys. If they were going to blow it up, then they had to gt going, fast, because she didn't want to disappoint her sweetie.

Honestly, if he wanted to see it all blown up and everything for no reason, then that meant there HAD to be a good reason. Even if that didn't make any sense and if Harley was pretty clueless about it all.

"Alrighty, boys, you heard the Boss!" Well, actually, they hadn't, but Harley liked to pretend she was in charge sometimes. Or at least second-in-command! Like... a queen. Or a princess! If he was the clown prince of crime, she could be the princess!

"Let's move."

She sounded bossy enough that they followed her, picked up the kerosene that Joker had said he wanted, and met him soon after. The boys got quickly to work because Harley told them to (or maybe it was because they didn't want to make her sweetie mad, she could never tell), and she snuggled up to Joker with a gun in one hand and a pack of matches in the other.

"Hey there, sugar! Look! I did like you asked!" And it was looking like it was going to be hot. Speaking of hot... "You look great, boss." She beamed and kissed his cheek, just in case he wasn't quite in the mood yet.

Harley was excited. Super-excited, which was saying a lot for her. But she wanted to prove she could do something cool and on her own now that she had parole, and what better way than a nice girls' night out?

Plus, Selina had cool clothes and she wanted to know where she got her whips. Joker might like them, later.

So, Harley grabbed a few guns, a couple bombs, some knives, and a paperclip because you never knew when that would come in handy! And she went to the Gotham Museum to see Selina. To mess it up, to steal something, to do both.

Not that it mattered. What mattered was if she had fun doing it!

I don't lie. No, that's not a lie, I really don't! See, Joker sort of opened up my eyes and made me see that the truth is something everyone needs to see and to tell. Lies are BAD NEWS.

[Locked]

Okay, so I sort of slept my way through college and lied about that, but it was for a good reason! I had to get into Arkham, and the only way to do that would be to sleep my way in. My grades just weren't cutting it at all, and with a hot bod like this, you might as well use it to get what you want, right? Small lie, so it doesn't count. Plus it brought me closer to my sweetie, so there's that, too!

[Unlocked]

Okay, so I sort of lie. But only when it's funny! Like when I have a gun aimed at someone and I tell them they have five seconds to live when they really have only one? See, I'm trying to make a point. Joker taught me that, too! It's only a teeny lie, ANYWAY, and the person winds up dead either way, so it shouldn't count.

Oh, I guess I lied about my feelings for Joker when I was still just a doc back at Arkham.

Hmm. I lied to Commissioner Gordon when I said that I wasn't mad at him, because I WAS, because he was part of that whole group that put Joker away.

I lied when I said I wouldn't kill the Batman. (Sorry, sweetie! I know you probably don't think I'd do it, but I would as a Valentine's Gift! He was so mean to you!)

Fine, I sort of lie, but none of it should count. I'm not clinically sane ANYWAY.

Muse: Dr. Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn
Fandom: Batman
Word Count: 293

I always wanted to be a doctor! It's a tough job, you know. Especially because the sort of doctor that I am tends to mean I hang around with crazies a lot. You'd think it would rub off on you, but no, I'm fine. Totally sane. TOTALLY.

Okay, wasn't that the best joke, ever? No? Fine, who asked you, anyway?

Oh, so I was a psychiatric intern at one point. True story. Yes, so it's psychologist. That's what sort of doctor I am. Although they took my license away, saying I was criminally insane, which I don't understand at all. Honestly, I'm the only one who GETS what Joker is. Like his scars? That story is fake. He's told me that story over and over and I get it. He's doing a re-inventing thing, sort of like Madonna does every ten years? Oh, and they both only have one name, too and look great in purple.

Oh, so jobs, wait... um. Well, now I want to be the best girlfriend I can be. I think that's a valid career choice. I guess I didn't used to be like that, though. As I kid, I liked ice cream, so maybe working at 31 Flavors would've been neat. I don't know. Does it matter?

I like blowing up buildings now with my sweetheart. It's like two jobs for the price of one! Crime and sex! Eeeee! You can't beat that, not even as a doctor!

243

Dear Commissioner Gordon,

There's a bomb in your office. Kidding!

It's actually at the courthouse.

See, this is just for all the mean things you did to Joker last year. Seriously, pretending to be dead? Not very nice. We all thought you were dead! I cried. My mascara ran and everything and it was all a lie. I hate lies.

That's what's cool about my Joker. He never lies! He's an artist of "chaos", and I'm the paintbrush. Or the canvas. I'm somehow involved, got it? And I know what I'm talking about, too, because I'm a DOCTOR. And this doc says that you and the other Gotham cops have been bad, bad boys who have been LYING to all the nice people of Gotham.

Like Harvey Dent? Please, he's a hero? Did you SEE his face? (I didn't, actually, but my sweetheart did and told me all about it and that you got to see him, too. Not cool, Commissioner, telling everyone he's a hero. ANOTHER lie!)

Oh, so anyway, the bomb's going to go off in about an hour unless you tell Gotham the truth about Harvey Dent. If you don't, then people will die and Joker's going to tell the truth anyway, so it really doesn't matter, huh?

Hearts and Kisses,
Harley Quinn <333


P.S. Don't even think about calling the Batman about this because no one likes him anymore anyway.